Have you ever struggled with not having
more children?

Q. I received a copy of your book from a friend after having had 3 miscarriages and lost 2 boys because of preterm labor. I know you've grieved your babies, but I'm curious, have you ever struggled with not being able to have more children? We've always dreamt of having a large family, but we're wrestling with whether or not it's even right to intentionally try to conceive, risking a future baby's well-being since it's likely I'll have early preterm labor again. What has it been like to decide NOT to have more children? This is a major aspect of our grief.

A. Have I ever struggled with not being able to have more children? Absolutely. I think every loss is really a series of losses. For us that series included the loss of potential. And I have grieved that and continue to grieve it in some ways. Our son, Matt is now half way through his senior year and will be gone off to college before I know it and the house will be so desperately quiet and I can hardly bear the thought.

Every letting go in our lives is a crossroads where we either say to God, "I must have this to be happy, and if I can't have it, I will be resentful and discontent and embittered" or where we say, "I'm sad to let go of this, but letting go helps me to remember that you are really all I need to be happy. Anything else I insist I must have to be happy is, in reality, an idol. I believe that your Holy Spirit can work in me to generate contentment and joy and freedom as I entrust my whole life to you, welcoming what you give me and refusing to become bitter about what you take away."

Absolutely this is something to grieve, and our surrender of our dreams for life the way we want it to be is not instant or easy, but our aim is to welcome God's plan for our lives, trusting that it will be good, enough, that He will be enough for us.