I feel like I need to write my daughter's story.
Any advice?

Q. We feel like we needed to write our daughter's story to continue her passion to make her life count for God. This is going to be very hard, but my life has already been so hard. The other children don't like this idea of having a book written about their sister.

I don't know if you have any advice or insights that could help us at this time.

My husband and I feel we are done having children and although I desire for more and also trust my husband and believe that is what is best. Did you struggle knowing you would not have any more children? Did it take a while to take a breath with what God was doing? I am surrounded by newborns at my church and so it's been hard to go...I do, and God has been good, but I am different.

A. I understand your desire to continue your daughter's passion to make her life count for God. I have to tell you, however, that writing a book and seeking to get it published is not always the best, and certainly not the only way to fulfill that desire. The difficult reality is that publishers are inundated with books written by grieving parents and they publish very few. So if you feel that the process of writing would be helpful to your own healing whether or not anyone ever reads it, then I suggest you proceed. If you are interested in self-publishing it to share with your friends, that would be another reason to proceed. But if it is really about getting it published by a regular publisher, and if you have little writing or publishing experience, I would strongly caution you in regard to pouring yourself into getting a book published.

It also concerns me that your children don't want you to do it. I think you would be wise to explore that more. Why is that? They are here with you and need you now, and I can't help but wonder if they might be wishing to have more of you focused on them now.

I don't mean to discourage you. But since you asked for my advice, I do want to give it to you straight. Obviously I know what it is like to have a story you want to tell and a desire for God to use my child's life and death for ministry purposes. But I respond as someone who has spent over twenty years in the publishing industry, well aware of what publishers are looking for, and what they reject.  I also respond as a mom who regrets some of the energy poured into ministering through Hope and Gabriel that might better have been poured into loving Matt in ways that are meaningful to him.

I do wish you the best as you pray over how to invest yourself in loving your family and remembering yoru daughter—

Nancy